Everything seemed to take an emotional downturn as of lately. It's been exactly a week since Brandon and I broke up again. We agreed this time that we would just walk away. He said some things that should never be said to anyone and yet, he manages to say whatever he can to hurt me. So if I have learned anything within these past 7 months of this no longer existing relationship, is that I will never be with a guy who does this ever again. I am emotionally unstable that I don't need another person who toys with my emotions and won't take any responsibility for his actions. I want someone who will actually listen to what I have to say, not take what I said and put it on the back burner of his mind. He's a good person but he's got an ego that is hurting who he can be. He needs to learn that everything isn't about him.
I started writing this a week ago. I kept the webpage open so I could just think about what I wanted to write in this blog. Brandon and I have been broken up for two weeks now. I have gone through an incredible emotional breakdown that I don't really know what is going to happen here in the future. But I guess that is the uncertainty of life. No one ever really knows what is going to happen in their future unless it is completely planned out for them. My life isn't like that. I have been thinking about everything: where I will be in a few years, what's going to happen in the fall semester and the best one, can I even make it to tomorrow? I had a huge crying session to Kelly last night. It got a lot of my frustrations out especially the ones about her. I have no idea what is going to happen. All I know is I am not ready for it. I am not emotionally prepared for it. I can't wait to move in. I met my new roommate and she is awesome. She's really lovable and a nerd just like Danni and I so she is going to fit in very well :)
I don't know what to do. I have had many thoughts of leaving. I won't disclose where until things are final because I don't want people to be sad about my departure. That is if I even go anywhere. I have a general idea of what I want to do and where I want to go and why I want to go there. Unfortunately, this issue of money and dealing with what I want to do has had a big impact on my life.
I just want to forget a lot that has happened since March. I haven't really been the same since and I am not sure that I ever will be. I made a lot of mistakes but I know there were things that weren't my fault and I wish people would grow up and see they make mistakes too. And I have to say, my biggest one as of lately, is not being able to let go. I had to get hurt here and part of me thinks that you just don't care that it happened. As long as you could do what you wanted. But whatever I don't have to care what you do with your life because you chose the path you did and it was without me. I'll be here whenever you want but I am more than just my looks. Don't forget that. Good night.
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