Memories... the good, the bad, and the ugly.

You know how bad memories always tend to stick out in your mind? I feel so obligated to write them down right now. Just to put them somewhere, where everyone can see them.

NY Memories
--I was at my grandmother's house and my mom had gotten out of the van. She dropped her cigarettes and I had picked them up. I ran towards the house and my mom asked what I was doing. I told her that I was throwing away these nasty things. She told me to stop and walked up to me and snatched them out of my hand and told me to never do anything like that again.
--I was in 4th grade and I had gotten up to get something. When I came back and went to sit down, someone took my chair right out from under me and I landed flat on my butt. Everyone laughed but it really hurt.
--I was in 4th grade still when my parents told me and my sister that we were moving, that we were moving a long ways away. Possibly to California. I got lucky when my dad found a job here in South Carolina. My dad moved down here while my mom, sister and myself stayed behind to finish schooling. When school got out, we packed up the moving van and left the house on June 26th, 2000. (yes, I still remember the exact date).

Moving...
--I rode in the van with my mom and sister along with our two cats (which we still have...) packed tightly. In Virginia, we had to stop because my mom got really sick and started dry-heaving. My dad got worried so we decided that it would be best to stop for lunch. It was starting to get dark and my mom was feeling a little better, so dad said we better get a move on before it started raining. If only we were that lucky. We got to the red light and it was raining so hard that we couldn't even see the moving truck which my dad was driving and my other "sister" Val was riding in to keep him company. It took us two days to get down here and we arrived at the house on June 27th, 2008, quite late might I add... about 8-9ish at night.

South Carolina
--When dad attempted to register me for school, they thought I was too young and wanted to put me back in the 4th grade. However, my dad protested saying that I had already passed the 4th grade and if they didn't believe me, that I could take a test. They believed him and I then entered the 5th grade without knowing a single person.
--It wasn't until October of 2000 that I made my first real friend with whom I am still best friends with today. All it took was a bus ride home and a discussion about a book. Jenny lent me that book and I read it... I don't ever remember giving it back though. If it wasn't for that girl, I would have been alone for quite some time.
--Entered middle school... thought I found the love of my life. I liked that one guy for a year and a half. And yes, I was crazy about it. But I was in freaking 6th grade... and part of 7th. I played flute in the band... and loved it. I was always happy sitting near Kristen and Jenny. Even if we fought over who sat where. We did Solo and Ensemble ... and it wasn't complete if we didn't go to Sandy's before or after to get a hot dog and some ice cream. Always my dad went with us, Kristen's mom and Jenny's mom. We made one interesting group.
--8th grade ... I made region band for the first time. 9th Chair. I was dating an amazing guy named Jon. And yes, I still talk to him to this very day. He is an amazing friend and, though he goes to a different school, can cheer me up in a heartbeat. I do miss you Jon. I also got the privilege to be in the high school marching band.

This is just sad. I was writing this blog about how many bad memories I had and now I can't seem to think about them, only good ones. It makes me think about how blessed I am to have these people in my life. How amazing these people are and I don't think they even know.

As some may remember, I hated Thomas's guts my first year of being a drum major. Now he's my best guy friend. I wouldn't trade him for the world. Tonight he said something and it brought tears to my eyes.

**please note, he is not talking to me. but his best guy friend**
Thomas: ... but you are one of two best friends that i have and i'm here to help you get through things, whether they be good or bad, i don't know everything, but i'm pretty good at giving advice, i don't share things with anyone but one person, and that person is not associated with anything that i do... and i trust her with my life. but you need to know that when you're ready to stop doing whatever you don't want to do that i'm here, if it's shelter or if it's friendship, food or money, i've got your back. now i don't know if you have someone that fits what i'm willing to give you, but i love you enough to say that if you need me... even if it's three in the morning 40 miles away, i'll help you now theres only two people i've ever offered that to, and thats you and my other best friend, so don't take it lightly now, you're probably gonna say that you don't need my help and right now thats ok, but there'll come a point in time that you do, and you'll look for someone, and i'll be there

That, honestly, is the most sincere thing I have ever heard a person say. And it's not only because he's talking about me but because I know that he means every word of it. Very few people do that. He managed to turn everything around. Wow, just wow. I am absolutely speechless.

I do have some of the best friends in the world.

A friend that goes to a rival school yet we joke about it all the time. And we're going to hopefully meet up at the game just so I can say hey and get a picture.

A friend who is almost 2 hours away, yet once we get a free minute, get on facebook and write each other messages... even when hers are soooo long it takes a good 10 minutes to read them. But I miss her so much, that it feels like that's the only time I get to talk to her. Now, that our schedules are incredibly crazy. Can't wait until Christmas break!

A friend who sticks by me not matter how many punchs I throw at him.

A friend who loves me... even when I don't want him to.

And the best friend I could possibly ask for. I can talk to him about anything and everything. He supports me in everything I do, even if its the wrong choice. He asks me for advice on the most random crap but I answer every question he might have because its good having a girl for your best friend.

I don't know where I would be without these people. Not here... that's for sure :)

Alright, well this blog is long enough... lol. Good night everyone... thanks for reading. :D

mid-term of college

New Post. New Time. New Emotions.

I am highly depressed. It's not that I am sad because of friends not being there or not getting a person to like me... that's not the case. It is just sadly realizing that everyone else seemingly well ... is making more friends in college. I am constantly by myself. I just don't want to branch out. I like the people that I hang out with. I like my roommate. I like some of the people that are on my hallway. But when you add it all together, there is a lot of downtime... time to think... and not about happy things.

Why is it that I am freaking out about this whole birthday thing? It's not like it matters. Who cares about spending their birthday with someone or some people. Nah. I prefer to be alone. WTF?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! of course I want to spend my birthday with people. And the people who I really want to spend it with, won't be here. They'll be at their homes or in FLORIDA. Oh yeah, holidays don't matter either... so for thanksgiving break, I get to spend it at my house... all alone.

Its stressing me out. Its making me freak out because in a little over a month, it will be reality. And you are probably thinking, why don't you go to Florida? I can't. I have the Clemson game on that saturday and thus cannot leave.

oh well. whatever. i'll get over it.

So I met this really great guy at work. And I've seriously really come to like him. Though he's totally shy, he's really an incredible guy and is really sweet. I am incredibly nervous because this is the first real relationship that I have been close to having in ... oh 3 years. I don't know what to do anymore. I am completely lost when it comes to dealing with such things. He likes me... and well I know he likes me but he doesn't know that I know that he likes me. If that made any sense at all. I don't know what to do with myself. I am so lost and confused... ugh. this is just so I can vent a little bit. I don't know what to do.

and I can't post this on myspace or facebook because he'll see.

thanks for 5 wonderful years

so i was watching the band video ... and i was watching the senior night football game part and i couldnt help but cry. i was just thinking that the man that i hugged that night inspired me to become a great leader. without him i wouldn't be where i am today.

this same person, a very wise person, once told me: "look out onto that field, courtney. open your eyes and look. take in the memories, the ups and the downs and reflect on this very moment because you will NEVER be in this same position again."

so here's to you mr. pace. thank you for being the most amazing band director ever. thank you for nailing me to get things done and getting them done right. i wish the future members were able to be with you because they seriously don't know what they are missing out on.

but i can say... that i will everyone in band.

the stupid thing is - my brain hasn't connected with my heart. my heart sits on that podium, in that band room, on every band bus and my very own drum major uniform... its still there. never leaving. my brain on the other hand, has accepted the fact that i'm not coming back.

why can't my heart accept it?

its been a long 5 years with the program.
with winning multiple lower state championships, a state title in winter percussion, a 2nd place medal at state and many other numerous awards that i could list but im not going to.

the few stories and things some will never forget:
-mr. pace and the big *** moth.
-mr. pace eating on the tower and then burping (on purpose) into the mic
-dennis, enough said.
-mr. allen's big warm glass of shut the hell up!
-mr. pace, spencer and the name tag. (see spencer's profile for full details)
-WAMLAW
-gym floors
-family business
-everyone pulling together to become a great band after awful run at WCU
-WCU after winning 3rd place in finals
-black friday (gross. 4 people in hospital)

those are just a few that i remember.

i can't believe that ive made some incredible friends throughout these past 5 years.

thomas - i hated you when i met you. then i got to know you and now we're best friends. thanks for always being there for me when i needed someone to complain to and i didnt want it to get all over the band.
jeremy(s) - thanks for making me laugh. i will miss you guys dearly. good luck and im just downtown if you need me
tyler - i know you will be a great leader. but good luck. 25 clarinets is a lot to deal with! i believe in you.

and to everyone else. good luck whether it be going to college or staying with the program. all of you will be great. and no matter what happens, keep your head up. you never know what will happen.

good night all.
oh ps. im cutting my hair. and the only people who will see it, are those to come to see me. :)

and if you have any suggestions, please tell me :)

things are falling into an oblivion

I am going to post on here because I just don't feel like posting this all over myspace.
Everything is absolute crap. it may not seem that way but it is. i get annoyed by everything and i really hate it when people throw everything out of context.

for the record. i am not trying to lose weight. i think i am just fine. i am trying to keep the weight off... so dont call me anorexic because im not that stupid to do something like that.

second ... i may talk funny sometimes. don't pick on me. that really gets on my nerves. i may extend some sounds that don't need to be there but that really isn't necessary to pick on someone about. so stop.

third ... shut up already. oh my goodness. that's all for that.

fourth ... stop dwelling on stuff that doesn't matter.

fifth ... i am really beginning to hate band. more than anything. the people in there are immature. they dont understand when to grow up and be a part of this amazing ensemble but no. it doesn't matter. my opinions don't matter. it isnt that hard to put up your cell phone, stop reading books, and stop freaking talking. work on the music that you obviously can't play otherwise we wouldnt be where we are right now.

i am really thankful for thomas and mercedes. those are the only two people who i feel aren't getting annoyed with me. they know a lot of what's going on and they aren't bothering me with things that are completely irrelevant. i just thank them for letting me talk to them and them not laughing about how i talk or judging me because im making "stupid" choices. i mean like why does it matter if i do or do not go to prom. seriously. it's my choice. i might go, i might not. i dont know yet. it's FEBRUARY 21st and prom is on APRIL 19th. that's a little under two months. that's a long time. CARNEGIE HALL and USC AUDITIONS are more important right now.

ugh. im not a happy person and i havent been for quite awhile. this just sucks. more than people know. some people dont even seem to care that my family is falling apart. but it's not on the outside that people would see this.

it goes to show how much competition i have between my sister. and she isn't even here! i have to have good grades (which i dont) ... i have to want to do something with my life (music composer/performer ... some profession compared to kelly's veterinarian skills) ... i have to be top of my game (which im not because i can't take all of this) ... i have to be good enough (which im not because she is all that matters) ... and most of all... i have to stop caring because that seems like the only way for them to notice. when things are falling part in my little head, they seem to notice that im not doing as well as i should. they dont even notice that somethings wrong. how lame is that?

i wish i could fix it. but i can't. im just going to stop trying. maybe things will change. ill do my daily routine and just get on with my life. stop dwelling on the things that don't matter. and start ... well nothing.

you know what's sad? the only people who ask me how im doing... are the people at work. aren't your friends supposed to do that?

Myrtle Beach, Akamaru, and 4 days later...

So lots of interesting things have happened on this trip to myrtle beach.

Thursday:
We have winter percussion practice so we had to be at the school at 8 for practice. It was raining so everything was just crap but we seemingly had a very, very good and productive rehearsal. I was really proud of the group. We’re only competing against ourselves on Saturday so its not going to be like amazing that we win 1st place.
Anyways we got all of our stuff packed into Robby’s car and we had to get gas. So we went to the Hess station. Kristen and I got out and went inside to get something to eat and drink and we came out and it was still SLOWLY pumping gas. And I mean REALLY slow. To the point where Robby got into the car and we chatted for about 15 or so minutes to where we finally got fed up with the pump and moved to the Enmark down the road, which might I add I suggested to start with. (thanks Robby). So anyways we finally got on the road and drove all the way to myrtle beach. Then we got checked in and that took about half an hour. I looked up to the ceiling and there was a spider and I told Kristen and she liked almost freaked. It was great. Got into our room, finally, and had to count everything and turn in a sheet. (Robby wants me to tell you that on the way here we saw a garbage truck on the interstate. It was saweet!) we unloaded everything in the room and get set up. At this point its about 4:15ish and we’re all hungry so after having argue about where we were going to eat for about half an hour, we finally decided on a place called Johnny Rockets. If you have never been to this place, you really need to go, it was awesome. I’ll tell you why. We got to Broadway at the Beach and there was barely anyone there due to the fact that it was raining. We got in the restaurant and sat down and Kristen informs us that they sometimes randomly breakout and dance. Oh. She was right about that one. Our server’s name was Josh and he was kind of cute (yes Robby, I am admitting it). He gave us all some fries and put ketchup in these little boat things. Robby got a smiling face, Kristen got a rose and of course, this is where things start getting weird, I got a heart. So yeah, they turn on RESPECT and Josh starts the song over. And all of a sudden he changed the words. ….something something something (looks directly at me and says) “give me your sweet kisses” (takes two fingers and touches his lips and brings them to me) then he proceeded to say something about tip money but it was really funny and kind of … weird. Haha. So anyways we looked around Broadway at the Beach for stuff to do Friday. We returned to the hotel room and Robby decided that he wanted to take a nap. So we bothered him for a little while then let him sleep because well we were running out of ways to torture him. So Kristen and I watched tv and I think Kristen was about to fall asleep but yeah. So about an hour and a half later Kristen and I decided that if Robby slept any longer, he wouldn’t be able to sleep that night. So Kristen and I decided to wake him up but not like just tapping him or anything. We got creative. She has this spray bottle for her hair in the morning (dude is that a sight! Just kidding) and we filled it to the top and started spraying Robby’s socks. But that didn’t wake him up so we sprayed his arm. But that didn’t work either so we tried the either sock. Nope. So finally we got his face. He was soaked. It was great. So Robby some how got the spray bottle and was getting completely evil revenge on Kristen and me. By the end of the battle, the three of us were soaked and pretty much all three of our beds were soaked. It was tons of fun. We decided to call it a night because we were going to go back to Broadway at the Beach the next day.

Friday:
Kristen’s phone is set to something that has to do with booty’s because that’s what we woke up to. Robby was lucky and didn’t have to hear it but Kristen and I still had the dilemma of getting Robby out of bed. So we decided that the spray bottle was coming back into action. So we got the spray bottle and went into Robby’s room and woke him up. He didn’t like it very much but yeah, it was funny. So we got around and went to Broadway and when we got there, there wasn’t like anyone there beside the people who work in the shops. We walked around for a little while, walked past Johnny Rockets again, Robby joked about how “Joshy” could be there, and we finally went and played mini-golf. I got two holes in one but I still lost to Robby. I was 5 over, he was 2 over and Kristen was 15 over. That was just sad. Haha. I love that girl. She cracks me up. So then we decided to get some lunch and we went to Hard Rock Café. It was good and I loved the inside structure of the building. We got through with lunch and continued to walk around Broadway and we went to see what the movie prices were. But we stumbled across a place called MagiQuest. If you have never played MagiQuest, then you are missing out. BECAUSE it is so much fun. It’s really easy yet challenging. You have to learn and memorize your surroundings otherwise you won’t know where you are going. But yeah, we went in and we paid for everything and played it. 90 minutes later we were all coming out exhausted but happy because it was a lot of fun. You should seriously play it. Anyways got done with all of that and I got a phone call from my mother saying that we should call Mr. Bussell to see what the weather was doing for tomorrow because of the competition at Dorman. Well I texted him and he said he hadn’t heard anything yet. So we came back to the hotel for dinner because we were all running out of money. Had sandwiches and flavored water and popcorn. We played Nintendo Monopoly (SO COOL!) and I watched my very fist episode of House.

Saturday:
We still hadn’t heard anything from Mr. Bussell so I decided to call him just in case. We called, he didn’t answer so we left a voicemail. Just as we were heading out the door, we get a return phone call saying that he still didn’t know if anything was changed or not and that on the Dorman website or something it stated that they were going to make a decision at noon. But by then we would have been in Columbia getting ready to head up to Dorman. We got about 20 minutes down the road and Mr. Bussell calls me back saying that we can “enjoy our vacation a little longer” because White Knoll would NOT be attending the competition. So we headed back to the hotel and decided what to do next. We went to some malls and came back to the hotel and waited to leave for Medieval Times for the show at 6. Got there and it was pouring rain outside and of course none of us were smart enough to bring an umbrella. Got inside and bought our $50 tickets. We sat with my favorite knight BLACK AND WHITE (OH YEAH!) and watched the show. We had a really beautiful waitress and Robby like fell in love with her at first sight. IT WAS GREAT! And there were so many cute guys there… for the show that is. I mean like IN the show. The only one who wasn’t really cute was green. But all the others were nice. There was this one guy who did stuff with a falcon and I was like “that is a beautiful bird” and Kristen was like “that is a beautiful man”. It was really fun. So after the show was done, we got tons of pictures with the cast. And came back to the hotel. We watched Resident Evil: Apocalypse and an episode of House. Kristen and I tried to stay up and see if it were to snow but we both got really tired, really fast so we called it a night.

Sunday:
It was very very cold outside but we decided to go to barefoot landing anyways... yeah that was a joke. We looked around for a while, went to a pizza place for lunch and back to the hotel room to watch both the Patriots game and the Packers game. boo for the packers losing. that just sucks.

Anyways we're home now. It was a fun weekend. I loved it. :)

tuesdays suck just as much as mondays

okay so... yeah. im glad im a senior right now. i found out when i got into wind ensemble today that someone deflated the bus tires last night so there was a late start today. it would have been nice and all if i were actually in school. so i showed up around 11ish to get some crap finished and i eventually did... in wind ensemble.

today has just not been a good day. i missed kristen because i didnt get to talk to her during lunc due to the fact she was working on yearbook stuff. so i ate lunch with robby in the bandroom. that was great and all...

then i hung out more in the band room after that. got to talk to mr. h... he's cool. he's like a kid but in grown-up form. haha. mr. allen was in there eating and chilling with us too.

then i went to calculus and once again it was the most boring thing... ugh. the stuff we learned is pretty easy... its tricky but easy.

winter percussion was just lame. reid gave us new music to learn but we aren't learning that until next week. saturday's performance is going to be good. i can feel it. i was having a really difficult time today getting my part down. i would miss ONE freaking note and then totally forget the rest of it. i hate it too. i dont hate the music. actually i really like it but ugh.

im not on top of my game today. today sucks just as much as yesterday did.
not in a good mood. at all.

Results from weekend...

Well today was a pretty eventful/ sucky day. I woke up late so everything was just off before I even got out of bed. I struggled to get ready due to the fact I stayed up until 12:30 getting ready for today. So when I eventually wanted to leave, I went out to my car and what do you know, the window as a sheet of ice on it. So im totally about to blow a gasket at this point because it was almost 7:35 and I normally leave around 7:20... so after waiting for EVER for my car to defrost/get melted enough so I could get some liquid to melt the ice, it was almost 7:40. So yeah. Not a good way to start my day.

Then I get to school. And Robby is all stupid depressed. Yeah, I feel bad for him but he won't even talk about but whatever, I'm just going to leave him alone.

I went to my locker and people started saying something about a new director so I was like what the heck and I went and met him. His name is Mr. Allen (sp?) and he's EXTREMELY nice. I really like him. He plays french horn and is very optimistic about being with us! It really excites me. :) So anyways, I chilled in the band room for like ever today and got to know him and I think I left a good impression (at least that's what I've heard thanks to Mr. Bussell).

Get to band class and Mr. Bussell informs me that I got an 84 (out of 200) at Region Band Auditions and not only that but I qualified for a chair! So that is just awesome. I didn't find out until after school that not only did I qualify but I MADE 3rd CHAIR! :)

That made my day.

Then I got to work. And I thought it was going to suck until Courtney (my manager) told me that I was training someone tonight. I was like YEAH! Then 5:30 rolls around and Drew pops in and walks up to me and gives me the best bear hug and I think that made my day. He really needs to work on his flirting.

So over all, I have had a pretty bad day but hey im not going to be all stupid depressed or anything but I am hoping tomorrow will be better.

Im out to check out music.

Region Band

so today was region band try-outs and I thought yesterday that I wasn't going to go. I was really set in stone about it too but something came over me working last night at Applebee's and so I decided to go today.

Today was interesting to say the least. I got into a big argument with my sister about who was driving and finally I won so I drove to and from Greenwood. On the way there, Kelly barely said anything to be because she was both upset with me for not letting her drive and she was doing homework. But eventually we got off the interstate and we were both bored out of our minds so we decided to talk to each other. We talked about things that have been going on with each of us over the course of the last week or so. Until we FINALLY got to Emerald HS (which took almost 1 hr and 45 min) and I saw people and they were surprised t see me there (trust me so was I) and I went and warmed-up and I was sounding good ESPECIALLY because I was playing on a cracked reed which is not fun btw. Got into the room and I was like "yeah I can do this..." and I was totally going to look at my scale sheet but I decided not to to be honest. So as I was going through my scales, I couldn't remember Gb, B or E so I was like whatever and I told the guy that I was going to skip those three and go to A and he was like okay. So yeah. Then I did my terms... I got 2 out of 5 correct. LAME. but I didn't know them. So it was as simple as that. Solo was the best out of everything. I got 3/4 of the way through without messing up bad. And then I crashed and burned after that but whatever. Sightreading is a nightmare ... they hit me with one of the hardest key signatures and 6/8 ... most of my friends know I have a problem with 6/8. I just can't play it for some reason.

Anyways...

So kelly and I leave Emerald HS and we decided that we were going to take 378 to get back instead of the interstate. And so we eventually got there and Kelly wanted to stop to get some munchies so we passed numerous gas stations when FINALLY I stopped for one and there were a whole bunch of weird people and so Kelly and I decided to move on. We literally drove for like 5 seconds and stopped at a grocery store called Reid's. We walked inside and Kelly and I went to the chips section and got some munchies and Kelly also had to use the restroom. So Kelly did that while I got the munchies. Then I waited on her to get out and we went to check out. We were walking to the front of the store when some dude who works there looks at us and goes "HEY! how are you doing?" and kelly and I just kept walking. We start walking towards the register and some lady who was shopping looks at us and says "hey! nice to see you!" and we have no idea who it was. it was rather interesting. We were thinking that we were in one of those towns were everyone knows everyone... so it was nice.

We got driving again and Kelly started talking about cows... it was kind of weird. Got about half way home and I was about to fall asleep but I didn't so yeah. Now I'm here waiting to see if the Region Band stuff will be posted but it probably won't until tomorrow. So I'll check back then.